Stop Giving a F&@k

Posted on March 25, 2016. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Guys, I’m going to get real for a minute. This post doesn’t have any recipes in it, just a lot of super deep stuff. (Or, semi deep, whatever)

When I started this process, well, was thrown into it really, I only thought I was fixing my physical health. But, over a year and a half later, I’ve learned it was just as much fixing my mental state as much as it was my physical state.

I was in a dark spot. I had never had much self confidence or self worth. I had just gotten dumped by someone who I thought cared for me (looking back, that was a terrible relationship, live and learn), and I felt a little lost. So I started eating better. Then the yoga came. Then, a few months later, I started loving myself. It didn’t come suddenly, but I really didn’t notice it at first. I’m not even sure how to explain what happened, but I do know that it did.

A couple weeks ago, I was talking to one of my girls about learning to not give a f&@k (sorry, mom, I know you’re reading this) about what other people think. And, coming from someone who pretended to not care, I know this isn’t as easy as it seems. It’s a process, and it’s not easy. Sometimes it feels like the bad days outweigh the good. Sometimes you feel you’ll never get out of the dark spot. You’re going to fight with yourself constantly. And then, one day, you’ll feel amazing. Someone could compliment you on something, you look in the mirror and just think “wow, I look great!”. And then you’ll realize. You’ll look at yourself and just think “I’m awesome, I’m a really cool person.”

I was thinking about writing this post while practicing my yoga, then an episode of Extreme Weight Loss that came on that really hit home. This woman at the beginning kept calling herself trash and saying that she wasn’t worth anything. I remember feeling like that. I was never one to open up to anyone though, so no one never really knew. Or, they may have. I’ve been walled up in the past so feelings were kind of a no go to talk about.

I’m still kinda walled off, but, in the past year, I’ve learned to open up a little. I’ve become more confident in myself and who I am. I truly have stopped caring about what other people think. I listen to myself and myself alone. It’s been very freeing. It’s given me the strength to really start getting ready to move to the city. I finally feel ready.

No matter how deep and dark you’re feeling, there is always a way out. You are stronger than what you think.

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